KEEPING IT REAL.

I was just getting back on my 2 feet and getting over my grandfather's death.
Just living on hope.Hope that she gave me cause I had nothing and no one except my problems , my thoughts and my grief.
Thats all i had for the past 2 years and now my hope s gone. Just gone.
I buried my hope. My human God.
I dont care what she lied wbout or what she did to me or anyone cos in the end of the day I had a long convo and she told me lots of stuff and she admitted so many things.
In the end if the day, she saved me. she s why  i m still here.  or at least she was.
I had NOTHING, NO ONE and she came into my life.
 no one understads what she did to and for me for the past 3/4 yrs.

now i m miserable. more than ever,
i hate being here ad i hate living here more than anything.
I just someone could save me from this hell.
i just need to vent here.
back to back posts on death.
oh wells.
i ve accepted my fate here and i just need my escape.
if only she could hear mae and see me and read this like how she used to read my posts and understand how i feel.
all gone, just  like that,

you know darl, there so many things you ve done for me.
so many things
and the wk before you passed we had that long convo when you admitted so many things thank you for that.
at least i knew some lies.
the biggest lie you ve ever told me was that you ll be with forever.
evertime i had a problem , you just held my face and said "Dont worry I m here right. If everyone leaves you i'm still here right?."
and ow you re gone. you lied to my face! you know how much that lie has hurt me.
i m just aching inside and you dont know it.
you didnt even come to visit me.
you would ve been the first but now you wont even be the last.
i miss you very much,.
no call/msg/nothing!
i just wish i had said more that night when i spoke to you.
just wished i had gone when you begged me.
i wished i saved you.

anw, i m being punished for now for not being able to save you.
 so dont worry i m payig for it.
i miss you very much darl and i need you to save me like you always do.
pls i m begging you.
i m so down so lost and i ve given up.
i hate evrything and evreyone esp myself.
pls save me.
just one last time.
save me baby. pls save me.
i love you very much kaya.
very much and a m so glad i got to say it to you 4 hours before you passed.
thank you for at least giving me a chance to hear you voice for one last time

i m just sorry i couldnt save you even though you begged me to come there.
pls forgive baby, i ll be with you soon i promise. i swear to you. i wont lie to you.
i cant wait to see you. everday that passes brings me closer to you.
just wait for me baby . love you very much.
now, just save me from here. my world s fallen apart and i ve given up so pls beg god for mercy for me.
i hate punishing myself like this.
help me darl,. pls forgive me for not being able to help you that night help and help me pls.